Currently feeling:

Hello! Long time no chat. How are you today? Good, I hope! I've been having a very lonely, numb day today, so I thought maybe it would be good to update my blog. I left my diary at a friends house and haven't been able to see them in a bit. Otherwise I would probably be writing in it right now. I'm currently feeling very gloomy, lonely, numb, bored, tired, sore, dissapointed, hurt... I had a horrible day yesterday. I won't go too much into it but I went to a music festival and I just felt miserable most of the day. I had some pretty shit experiences too. I think the only times I felt good was when I was getting abused in the pit and when this guy helped me crowdsurf. That was pretty cool. it's crazy the lovely and friendly interactions you can have with complete strangers sometimes. It's nice to think about. Sometimes you have nicer times with strangers than people you know. I didn't drink at all which I'm proud of. and i got through the whole day even though I wanted to go home so, so bad. i don't think ill go to another fesitval again. honestly at this moment i'm kind of turned off from any kind of public event. i kind of dont even want to see my friends right now. sometimes when i feel this bad it feels like my partner is one of the only people i can stomach being around. agh. sorry for being such a bummer. i just feel so completely miserable and empty right now. theres like this big hold in my stomach (or chest.. i can kind of feel it heavy in there, where my heart is) and i have no idea how to fill it. it's been like that my whole life i think. sometimes i can cover it up with a curtain (some kind of distraction... being with people, drinking or getting high, hyperfixations) but lately i feel like they just fall off the curtain rod immediately. or i cant even source any curtains to begin with. WOW this is a stupid metaphor! anyway, i should stop rambling already. relaly i should save this for my diary. but i dont think anyone reads these anyway, so its okay. i hope youre feeling good right now. you deserve to be happy. dont listen to your inner voice!